Please Keep Your Hands and Feet Inside the Vehicle at All Times

One of my favorite things to do is ride roller coasters, especially while holding my hands up in the air.  It’s such a thrill.  Does that count as not keeping my hands inside the vehicle at all times?

Just as I learned in life it was more fun to ride roller coasters holding your hands up, I have also learned to ride life holding my hand up in the air toward the sky, toward my God while praising Him, even if…  I am not completely sure where I read this, but I remember reading somewhere that it is hard to receive God’s blessing with closed fists.  Blessings are poured on us everyday, but we are only able to receive them with hands wide open.  And that is what I need to be ready to do even if…

As I mentioned in my previous post, I had a biopsy performed almost two weeks ago.  This last Wednesday, my urologist called me to inform me that the tumor I have is malignant and that it had been diagnosed as leiomyosarcoma.  She told me she would be referring me to MD Anderson.  They would determine the stage of the cancer and the proper treatment.

Just the night before, on Tuesday at Bible study, this quote spoke to my heart, “Be willing to obey God in anything He says, and be willing to thank Him in anything He sends.”

The hard part now was going to be sharing the news with our parents, but especially our children.  Conveniently, Kendy would be coming down from school for spring break this weekend and we, Marcus and I, would share the news with all four kids at the same time.  I prayed and asked God to give me just the right words when telling my kids that I have cancer.  I asked many friends and family members to pray with me, and boy did I feel their prayers.

Thursday was filled with lots of phone calls and paper work for MD Anderson, but it was also helpful that Kiernan had a baseball game and Kobe had a track meet.  The kid’s activities helped me keep my mind off the cancer and enjoy the beautiful weather with the kids.  By the end of the day, however, I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

Then Friday came.  Friday was a roller coaster ride kind of day.  My urologist called me to tell me she had gotten word from the pathologist that the findings were inconclusive and the tumor could be benign.

“Wait!  Are you telling me I may not have cancer after all?” I asked.

“Correct.  But because of the uncertainty, we need to have another pathologist look at your slides to confirm,” she stated.

Oh the joy that came over me with the thought of the possibility that I may not have cancer after all.  I was praising God as I was on my way to pick up my kids from their Friday program.  I immediately called Marcus to tell him the news.  With every friend I ran into, I had to share the news.  I just had to.  We shared tears of joy with many.

That afternoon, Kendy came home, we ate dinner, and shared the news with the kids.  I will say it was much easier to tell them with the hope of the possibility that this tumor may indeed be benign.

For now we wait; but in the mean time, we are grateful for every second we have together.  We will enjoy our week together as a family, a week filled with school, baseball, track meet, rodeo, and many other fun activities.  Until we hear the new pathology report, that is all we can do: wait.  We will cease striving and instead be still, knowing He is God!  Psalm 46:10 (paraphrased).  When the results are in, we will take it from there.

I either never had cancer to begin with or my God, Jehovah Rapha (The Lord Who Heals), has performed a miracle and has healed me.  However, even if the pathology report comes back and confirms the tumor is malignant, I will continue to praise Him, for He is Sovereign, He is Almighty, and I am no one to question His will for me.  He never promised it would be easy, but He did promise He would never leave us nor forsake us.  I know if cancer is what I am facing, He will be there holding my hand every step of the way, and I will continue to raise my hands high in the air as I ride this roller coaster with my palms open, ready to receive His blessings.