Do You Trust Me? No, I Mean…Do You Really Trust Me?

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight  Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

I cannot begin to express my gratitude to the many of you who have faithfully been praying for me since the moment I found out I had an abnormality on my right kidney.  As I stated on my previous post, it has been a roller-coaster ride to say the least.  Who would have known that going to the doctor for an annoying bladder infection would have me end up at MD Anderson.  Well, according to Dr. Karam whom I saw today, that is exactly how most kidney tumors are discovered, through accidental findings.

After analyzing my biopsy slides, MD Anderson confirmed that I do not have cancer.  The tumor has been diagnosed as angiomyolipoma which is benign.  In about 1% of these cases, this tumor could turn malignant, but due to the properties found, mine will not.  The biggest risk with this tumor is bleeding.  If this were to happen, I would just need to go straight to MD Anderson if I can get there or to the nearest ER, and they will transport me from there.  Dr. Karam suspects this tumor has been there for years, maybe even 20 years or more!

There are ways to treat this, but unfortunately the risks outweigh the benefits.  The best thing to do for now is monitor it.  It will be a every few months at first.  If there are no changes, the time between each monitoring session will be longer.  The treatment with the least amount of risk is embolization.  By cutting the blood flow to this extremely vascular tumor, the tumor would be expected to shrink and die.  I will do this if a trip outside of the US is in our plans because  it one thing to have this tumor start bleeding while I am less than an hour away from MD Anderson, but it’s another thing to have this happen when I am no where near a reputable hospital.

I am praising God for this outcome.  Oh, how I know it could have been a lot worse.  At the same time, I am exhausted, not of praising Him, of course, but of the waiting, the wondering, the not knowing.  I cannot begin to explain how tired I am.  There are so many beautiful things that have come out of this, and because of these things, I would go through the anguish of thinking I have cancer all over again.  God has shown me through so many of you that I am not alone, that no matter what comes my way, He is there embodied in family and friends.  You, my friends and family, have been such a testimony of what the body of Christ looks like.  Through this experience, He has also allowed me to understand others who are going through an illness such as cancer.  While I was already praying regularly for these friends, I now find myself praying for them more often, more fervently.  What a privilege it is to come to the feet of Jesus on behalf of others.

Diving deeply in His Word, I gained peace, a peace that truly surpassed all human understanding.  The more I read His Word, the more I would feel God asking me if I trusted Him.  “Of course I trust You, Lord,” was always my response, but it was as if it was not good enough because I felt Him asking me, “No, do you really trust me.”  Once again, I would say, “LORD, I trust you.  You can do with my life as you please, but please don’t let this be cancer, and if it is, please let me live at least until I graduate Kylee, and she’s off in college.”  I was obviously not getting Him because I so sincerely felt him say, “No, no, no.  What I mean is do you really, trust me?  Do you trust me the way Abraham trusted me with Isaac?”  It was then that I knew what He was taking about.  It was then that I shouted, “Whatever my lot, it is well with my soul!”  It was then, on February 28, 2018 that an enormous peace came over me even though I had been told I had sarcoma.  And it is today that I rejoice in what He has done, and will continue to do in my life.